7 Signs You’re Sabotaging Your Relationships
Why You May Be Pushing Away the Love You Want
The way we grow up shapes how we connect with others.
If we (or our partner) had a tough childhood with neglect, abuse, or inconsistent care, it doesn’t just go away. These early experiences can affect how we handle relationships as adults, even if we don’t realize it. We think we leave it all behind and instead we drag what became “normal” in earlier life into the future with sabotaging results when we’re just trying to find the love we want.
But it doesn’t have be this way. It’s never too late to do the work to free yourself and create the love you want to have and be for your partner.
Here’s how our past can make loving relationships difficult:
1. Fear of Getting Too Close
Some people are scared to open up emotionally because they learned early on that love can hurt. This fear can look like:
Avoiding deep talks about feelings
Having trouble asking for what they need
Keeping their partner at a distance, even when they want connection
They may seem independent, but deep down, they are afraid of being hurt.
2. Wanting to Control Everything
If someone grew up in a home where things were unpredictable or scary, they may try to control their relationships as adults. This might show up as:
Making all the decisions in the relationship
Criticizing their partner too much
Refusing to compromise out of fear of losing control
Control makes them feel safe, but it can also create stress in a relationship.
3. Fear of Being Left Behind
Some people feel anxious that their partner will leave them. This fear might cause them to:
Cling to their partner and need constant reassurance
Get very upset when their partner is distant
Stay in bad relationships because they are afraid of being alone
This pattern can push a partner away, making their fear of being left even stronger.
4. Trouble Trusting Their Partner
People who grew up with untrustworthy caregivers may struggle to trust others. This can look like:
Questioning their partner’s actions or words
Doubting that the relationship will last
Thinking their partner is lying, even without proof
Living in constant worry can make it hard to build a healthy bond.
5. Pushing Love Away Without Realizing It
Some people sabotage their own happiness without knowing why. This might show up as:
Picking fights for no reason
Pulling away just as the relationship starts getting serious
Doing things that cause breakups, even though they want love
This happens when someone secretly believes that love always leads to pain.
6. Big Emotions and Conflict
Past trauma can make it hard to handle emotions. This can look like:
Overreacting to small disagreements
Shutting down instead of talking things through
Struggling to share feelings in a calm way
This happens because they may not have learned how to express emotions in a healthy way as a child.
7. Repeating the Same Relationship Mistakes
Some people keep choosing relationships that feel familiar, even if they are unhealthy. This might mean:
Picking partners who treat them the way they were treated in the past
Falling into the same painful patterns again and again
Feeling stuck in relationships that don’t make them happy
The brain is drawn to what feels familiar, even when it’s not good. Noticing these patterns is the first step to breaking free.
How Trauma Affects Both Partners
Unresolved trauma doesn’t just affect one person—it affects the whole relationship. The person with past trauma may not realize how their past is shaping their actions. Their partner may feel confused about why things are so hard.
Understanding these hidden patterns can help both partners see their relationship more clearly. Learning about past trauma is the first step toward building healthier, more secure relationships.
When you are ready to be free of the past that’s sabotaging your relationships, schedule an online Free Strategy Session with me at https://www.pauldfitzgerald.com/info-strategy-session-scheduling
It doesn’t have to be this way!!
It’s never too late to do the work to free yourself and create the love you want to have and be for your partner.